I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
