you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize