His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
