birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
