I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sponge bath it is.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
