Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
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OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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