i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
