Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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