It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize