If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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