If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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