i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
