If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize