Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
