I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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