I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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