I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
