She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
