do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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