Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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