This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
