She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Fuck appropriateness.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
