My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
