i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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