we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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