I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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