sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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