she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?