It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.