btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i only shaved half my leg
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.