It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off