you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I understand Curling. That high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.