Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
