nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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