how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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