He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My butt remains clenched, sir.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I deserve this hangover.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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