i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
