your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
not ubering you a puppy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
