So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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