Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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