Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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