so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
