Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
