I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
