On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize