I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
