I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
worst night to have a conscience
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
