My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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