Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
