watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize