I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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