Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Porn is love you can see.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
