if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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