Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
