I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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