He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
