I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
