you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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