Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
