you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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