ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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