I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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