Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
