What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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