Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
okay pat passed out under dana's car
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
